After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Guy With Kids To Have More Kids

DAYTON, OH—Thirty-five-year-old guy Greg Hill, who already has a few kids, announced yesterday his intention to have more kids. "Suzy and I already have two boys and a girl, so we thought we'd try for another girl this time," said Hill, who also has a few other kids from a previous marriage. "I mean, we already got married and bought this house. This is what people do, right?" Hill added that he "can't wait" for his kids to have kids of their own, so he can have some grandkids.

After Birth

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