Guys’ Weekend Getaway Begins With Daring Purchase Of New Kind Of Beer

Top Headlines

Recent News

Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Productivity

Guys’ Weekend Getaway Begins With Daring Purchase Of New Kind Of Beer

OTTAWA, IL—In an act of fearless audacity Friday, a group of male friends reportedly began their weekend getaway to Illinois’ Buffalo Rock State Park with the bold and gutsy purchase of a six-pack of Two Brothers Outlaw IPA, a beer none of them had ever tasted before. “It may be risky buying a beer without having previously sampled it, but when the boys and I get together for an epic two-and-a-half days in the great outdoors, risk is all part of the game, my friend,” said Josh Boyle, 28, openly acknowledging the daring new course he and his friends from college were charting by selecting a beverage with which they had absolutely no prior experience. “It could be too bitter. Heck, it could be too fruity. When you venture into unknown territory like this, you never know how it’s going to end—all you know is that it’s going to be one wild ride, so you better hang on tight.” At press time, the men were driving to the park and trying to decide whether listening to an unfamiliar contemporary rock radio station would be “too dicey.”