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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Gym Adds Big Heavy Pull Thing In Corner

OKLAHOMA CITY—According to patrons of the gym, All-American Fitness added this new big heavy pull thing Tuesday, over in the corner by the leg press. The thing, which is reportedly pretty much a bunch of tubes and wires and pulleys, has different handles you can attach to it, including a T-bar, two loops on a rope, and some kind of metal swoosh. "I think it's supposed to work your front muscles," gym member Liam Kern said. "I did see a guy working his legs with it, though." At press time, no one had worked up the courage to ask the gym staff how to use the pull thing, and one person actually strained her quads when she attempted to push it.

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