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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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'Hägar The Horrible' Cartoonist Expected More For 40th Anniversary

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Hägar The Horrible cartoonist Chris Browne admitted Thursday that he was disappointed with the lack of attention his syndicated comic received on its 40th anniversary. “It’s not like I was expecting to be on the cover of TIME or anything—but would a little feature in USA Today with a headline like ‘America’s Favorite Viking Turns 40’ have killed anyone?” said Browne, who has been writing and illustrating the strip since the retirement of his father, Dik Browne, who created it in 1973. “Or maybe Google could have had Snert the dog barking out their logo. I don’t know. Something.” Browne said he plans to get “plenty of coverage” for the 41st anniversary by penning a storyline in which Hägar returns home to find his village burned and his family raped and murdered.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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