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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'Hägar The Horrible' Cartoonist Expected More For 40th Anniversary

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Hägar The Horrible cartoonist Chris Browne admitted Thursday that he was disappointed with the lack of attention his syndicated comic received on its 40th anniversary. “It’s not like I was expecting to be on the cover of TIME or anything—but would a little feature in USA Today with a headline like ‘America’s Favorite Viking Turns 40’ have killed anyone?” said Browne, who has been writing and illustrating the strip since the retirement of his father, Dik Browne, who created it in 1973. “Or maybe Google could have had Snert the dog barking out their logo. I don’t know. Something.” Browne said he plans to get “plenty of coverage” for the 41st anniversary by penning a storyline in which Hägar returns home to find his village burned and his family raped and murdered.

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