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Half-Fabricated Résumé Still Unimpressive

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Half-Fabricated Résumé Still Unimpressive

DALLAS–The résumé of aspiring telejournalist Jonathan Krieger, liberally padded with exaggerations and flat-out lies, was deemed "unimpressive" Monday by Sandi Robertson, human-resources director of Dallas NBC affiliate KXAS. "This applicant has served as assistant news director at a number of medium-market stations," Robertson said of Krieger, 25, who once spent a summer working at an El Paso public-access station. "But even so, his experience is just not at the level we're looking for." Robertson was similarly underwhelmed by Krieger's alleged internship at the Fox Family Channel and the "Reporter Of The Year" award he did not win at his college radio station.

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