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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Half Of Nation Outraged At New, Not-Yet-Released Michael Moore Film

WASHINGTON, DC—Though the film isn't scheduled for release until June 29, a New York Times/CBS News poll found that nearly half the nation believes Michael Moore's new health care documentary Sicko is "unpatriotic," "disgusting," and "ill-informed."

"This film is absolutely tasteless and misguided, and I can't believe theaters are even showing it," said GOP presidential candidate Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS), who, along with the rest of the nation, has not yet seen the film. "I thought the role of a documentary filmmaker was to be objective, but moviegoers are going to leave the theater thinking that there is something wrong with some part of the United States, and that is just flat-out untrue."

The other half of the nation has praised Sicko, calling it a "real eye-opener" that would "challenge people's preconceived notions."

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