adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Halftime Show At Bruins-Devils Hockey Game Disrupted By Second Period Of Play

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—A combination marching band and pompom squad show planned for the halfway point of Tuesday night's Boston-New Jersey hockey game was disrupted by the continuation of on-ice play during the second of the game's three periods, Devils team officials announced Thursday morning. "I take full responsibility for the injuries to Bruins center Sergei Samsonov, Devils defenseman Brian Rafalski, and the trombone section of the Verona Marching Hillbillies, all but two of whom I'm told are out of the hospital," Devils Events And Entertainment Coordinator Janine Petersen said during a press conference at which she also tendered her resignation. "In seeking to provide a comprehensive sports-entertainment package for the whole family regardless of hockey knowledge, I failed to keep in mind the three-period structure of the game." Petersen, who has not yet been charged with any crimes, was hired on a trial basis by the Devils in September despite her involvement in the tragic halftime show at this year's Daytona 500.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close