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Fathers

Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper

SANTA ROSA, CA—Noting the 51-year-old’s increasingly flushed complexion, wide and intense eyes, and slow, heavy breathing during an argument Friday morning, local siblings Jeff and Katie Russell told reporters that their father, Dave Russell, ...

Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts

SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area father Don Griffith, 42, confirmed Friday they have no idea where he gets his shirts.

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...
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Fathers

Hallmark Debuts 1-Square-Inch Father’s Day Card With No Room For Writing Anything

KANSAS CITY, MO—Touting it as the perfect way to celebrate Dad as quickly and efficiently as possible, Hallmark debuted a 1-square-inch Father’s Day card Friday that has no room for writing anything. “This new Father’s Day card is the ideal size for tersely addressing how much your dad means to you without having to add a single sentiment of your own,” said spokesman James Swickley, adding that the card simply has “Happy Father’s Day” written in a plain font on the cover, which succinctly recognizes the occasion without any unwanted embellishment whatsoever. “The inner panel is so small that you don’t have to worry about writing out a long, heartfelt message or making a weak attempt at lighthearted humor. There’s room to sign your name, but not even enough space to write ‘Love’ above that, sparing both you and Dad the awkwardness of an affectionate sign-off.” Swickley went on to say that Hallmark was working on an even more compact version of the card that was just the cover, aimed at fathers who’d figure out who sent it to them eventually.

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