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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Hand Gestures Transform Friend’s Story Into Immersive Virtual Reality Experience

OAKLAND, CA—Noting how the expressive movement of her friend’s arms fully conveyed every aspect and nuance of the event, 27-year-old Andrea Jennings confirmed Monday that her friend Rachel Carter’s hand gestures had transformed an anecdote about meeting up for lunch with a mutual acquaintance into a fully immersive virtual reality experience. “From the second Rachel started moving her hands back and forth to indicate that she was talking to Julia, it was like I had put on a sophisticated VR headset and entered an incredibly realistic computer simulation of her story,” said Jennings, who marveled at the way Carter’s slightly raised shoulders and upturned palms had effectively allowed her to step into a three-dimensional digital rendering of the scene, where she could watch the narrative about Carter’s uncertainty over which panini to order play out in full detail. “Everything just seemed so real. At some point, I became so fully engrossed that I forgot I was even sitting in my living room. It was just like I was right there with Rachel, having the entire experience of struggling to find a parking spot near the restaurant projected directly into my eyes solely through the position and movement of her hands.” Following the conclusion of the gesture-enhanced story, Jennings added that her bland day-to-day life now felt less real by comparison.

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