Handshake Comes In At Unusually High Angle, Velocity

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Vol 47 Issue 41

Report: All The Good Seashells Taken

CORAL GABLES, FL—According to a report released Monday by a group of environmental researchers, all the good seashells worth picking up and bringing home have already been taken, a development that threatens the very future of shell collection regionally.

Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

Following a dispute between city and county officials over who should pay to prosecute offenders, the Topeka City Council voted to decriminalize misdemeanor domestic violence. What do you think?

Hollywood Announces Plan To Remake Jimmy Stewart

Congress passes a law requiring every U.S. dog to wear a neckerchief, a report shows that your mother is silently weeping about you right now, and an actor sometimes feels silly pretending to be somebody else. It's the week of October 10th, 2011.
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Handshake Comes In At Unusually High Angle, Velocity

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—During an introduction to another man at a party Friday night, local resident Mike Greenly was reportedly blindsided by a high-speed handshake that plunged in at an angle of nearly 90 degrees. "His hand initially rose above his head like he was going for a high-five, but then it pointed straight down and just dove like a hawk," said Greenly, explaining the steep angle resulted in his grasping the tips of only three fingers during the shake. "My hand actually flinched when I saw his hand coming." According to current estimates, a proper handshake should be delivered at an angle of plus-or-minus 5 degrees and with an average speed of 7 mph.

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