adBlockCheck

Hanes, Fruit Of The Loom Locked In Bitter Struggle No One Else Aware Of

Top Headlines

Recent News

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

The Pros And Cons Of Taking A Gap Year

Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers

THE HEAVENS—Grumbling to Himself as He frantically retraced His steps across the Heavens, God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, admitted to reporters Monday that He had somehow managed to lose the pouch containing the enchanted crystals that give Him His powers.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Eating

Satisfaction

Hanes, Fruit Of The Loom Locked In Bitter Struggle No One Else Aware Of

NEW YORK—The ongoing rivalry between Hanes and Fruit Of The Loom, the nation's two largest manufacturers of underwear, has escalated into a bitter struggle for sales supremacy that no one else on Earth knows, let alone cares, about, The Wall Street Journal reported Monday. "Apparently, in June of this year, Hanes introduced a new mid-length men's brief in response to a Fruit Of The Loom launch of a similar brief in May," Wall Street Journal reporter Leonard Dorner said. "And, from what I can gather, the careers of many executives at both companies are riding on the outcome of this epic mid-length-brief battle." Said Richmond, VA, underwear consumer Jonathan MacWilliams: "I'm not really sure which brand I wear."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close