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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.
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Hard Day's Work Fails To Yield Sense Of Job Well Done

EVANSVILLE, IN– After a hard day's work Monday, Cahill Financial Group administrative assistant Janice Croyer mysteriously lacked a deep sense of pride and satisfaction in a job well done. "I don't know what it is," said Croyer, punching out. "I should feel great about the work I did today, but I'm not on any sort of high." It was the 2,076th consecutive work day to produce vocational indifference in Croyer.

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