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Hard-Hitting Investigative Report Still Only About Sports

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Hard-Hitting Investigative Report Still Only About Sports

BRISTOL, CT—A four month in-depth investigation into the conduct of USC basketball star O.J. Mayo conducted by ESPN's Outside The Lines program was still, in the end, about nothing more important than sports. "[Rodney] Guillory, in violation of NCAA rules, has provided Mayo with cash, thousands of dollars in clothing, a flat-screen television, a cell phone, meals, and other benefits," reported Kelly Naqi of a man who will soon be paid millions of dollars to bounce a ball up and down and throw it through the air. Though there is acknowledged genocide being carried out in the Sudan and refugees of the Chinese earthquakes are once again being relocated due to flooding, Naqi went on to say that "under California state law, it's a misdemeanor for sports agents to provide cash to student athletes." As the Dow Jones index fell another 436 points, Outside The Lines followed up the report with a 15-minute piece on how the unkempt infield at Fenway may cause more errors than at other parks.

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