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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Harness Racing Movie Contends Life Is Like Harness Racing

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In a recent interview about his movie Loosing The Hopple, screenwriter Jason Chesley said that his story of a young harness racer's relationship with his horse and their struggles to shift from a pacing to a trotting gait before eventually winning the storied Hambletonian is actually a metaphor for life. "It's less a harness racing movie than a deeply human story of relationships and personal struggles that just happens to have harness racing in it," said Chesley, who compared his protagonist's struggles with hoppling his horse Whole Enchilada to the universal struggle of shedding the yoke of childhood and growing up. "Life isn't always a garden trip. You're being carried along in the sulky of fate with only your Standardbred and your wits, and when you're boxed in, third on the rail, well, those are the times you dig down, move into the pocket, and trot yourself right out of that death hole." Though Chelsey was coy concerning most plot points, he did confirm that his protagonist's encounter with Messenger, the horse from which all harness racing horses were bred from, was a metaphor for God.

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