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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Harold Reynolds Tests Positive For Elevated Levels Of Testosterone

BRISTOL, CT—A week after firing Harold Reynolds for sexual harassment, ESPN reported that the Baseball Tonight analyst failed a routine daily-interaction-with-women test, and alleged that an unusually high level of testosterone in Reynolds' body was responsible for his shocking come-from-behind performance. "Although it is unclear whether Harold was taking any extra testosterone, his actions indicate that he is unable to even handle the level of testosterone normally present in his system," said Dr. Jerry Alderson, chairman of the World Anti-Groping Agency. "Nobody wants this kind of player in the workplace." Reynolds could not be reached for comment, but is reportedly seeking a job at Fox Sports Network's Best Damn Sports Show Period.

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