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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Harold Reynolds Tests Positive For Elevated Levels Of Testosterone

BRISTOL, CT—A week after firing Harold Reynolds for sexual harassment, ESPN reported that the Baseball Tonight analyst failed a routine daily-interaction-with-women test, and alleged that an unusually high level of testosterone in Reynolds' body was responsible for his shocking come-from-behind performance. "Although it is unclear whether Harold was taking any extra testosterone, his actions indicate that he is unable to even handle the level of testosterone normally present in his system," said Dr. Jerry Alderson, chairman of the World Anti-Groping Agency. "Nobody wants this kind of player in the workplace." Reynolds could not be reached for comment, but is reportedly seeking a job at Fox Sports Network's Best Damn Sports Show Period.

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