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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Harrison Ford Begs Agents To Just Let Him Die Now

LOS ANGELES—Saying that “it’s time,” a visibly weary Harrison Ford pleaded with his agents Thursday to simply stop this and let him die, sources confirmed. “Please, you’ve had your fill. Just let me go quietly into the night,” the 71-year-old Ender’s Game star reportedly said, later imploring his agents not to hand him any more scripts and to just “let [him] go to sleep forever.” “I’ve spent my entire life doing this for you people. We had a good run, but it’s been a long journey and I’m very tired now. Please don’t talk about any more projects or how the director will work around my schedule. And don’t try to convince me that this is how I get my Oscar. It’s over. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up.” Reports confirm that Ford’s agents then mentioned a new script set during the Cold War in which he’d play Robert McNamara, which prompted Ford to sigh, shake his head, and say, “Okay, let me take a look.”

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