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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Harry Kalas Narrates Steve Sabol's Ascension To Heaven

HEAVEN—Legendary sports broadcaster Harry Kalas narrated NFL Films co-founder Steve Sabol’s ascension to heaven Tuesday, providing a stirring play-by-play of the 69-year-old soul’s dramatic entry into the Kingdom of God. “It’s a blustery day for a journey to heaven but Steve Sabol comes out soaring, hits a shaft of light, and rockets upward,” Kalas said. “It could be—it is! He’s going all the way to the Pearly Gates. He’s flying across the sky now and quickly eludes St. Peter with a stiff arm. And he’s done it. Steve Sabol has risen to the occasion and ascended into heaven.” Kalas, who described Sabol’s performance as flawless, confirmed that 750,000 angels were on their feet and cheering.

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