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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Hate-Crime Bill Stalled By Pro-Hate Lobby

WASHINGTON, DC–Congressional passage of a landmark hate-crime bill is being delayed by the nation's powerful pro-hate lobby, it was reported Tuesday. "If this bill were to pass, hatred would be illegal in all 50 states," said Terrence Boswell, president of Americans For Hate. "This bill, which requires all Amercians to get along and like each other, goes against everything our organization believes in, and we are taking a stand." Americans For Hate's lobbying efforts have won over numerous legislators, including U.S. Rep. William Schourek (R-TX), who was re-elected to Congress Tuesday on a pro-hate platform. "Hate is a vital aspect of our shared culture, and it would be deeply missed if it were to disappear," Schourek said.

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