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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Hazing Incident Ends In Tragic Joining Of Fraternity

ASHLAND, OH—A night of forced binge drinking and other dangerous initiation rituals ended in horrible tragedy Tuesday when pledge member Steven Paulson, 18, was accepted into Ashland University's Delta Tau Theta fraternity. "I don't understand how something like this could have happened," said an inconsolable Vanessa Paulson, mother of the young college freshman who was found naked, severely hung over, and a member of Delta Tau Theta early Tuesday morning. "Steven had such a bright future ahead of him. He didn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this." While 12 freshman suffered the same unspeakable fate, some, like Brian Hinkle, who drowned to death during the late-night hazing, managed to escape with their dignity intact.

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