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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Hazing Incident Ends In Tragic Joining Of Fraternity

ASHLAND, OH—A night of forced binge drinking and other dangerous initiation rituals ended in horrible tragedy Tuesday when pledge member Steven Paulson, 18, was accepted into Ashland University's Delta Tau Theta fraternity. "I don't understand how something like this could have happened," said an inconsolable Vanessa Paulson, mother of the young college freshman who was found naked, severely hung over, and a member of Delta Tau Theta early Tuesday morning. "Steven had such a bright future ahead of him. He didn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this." While 12 freshman suffered the same unspeakable fate, some, like Brian Hinkle, who drowned to death during the late-night hazing, managed to escape with their dignity intact.

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