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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Headline With Words ‘HIV Baby’ In It Somehow Turns Out Okay

NEW YORK—A recent newspaper headline that included the words “HIV Baby” somehow managed to turn out okay by the end, numerous readers confirmed Tuesday. “I saw the words ‘HIV Baby’ staring back at me and I thought, ‘Oh boy, here we go,’ but then, shockingly, it actually turned out to be totally fine,” local man Harold Jennings said of the surprisingly uplifting headline, which reportedly concluded with the word “Cured” instead of the words “Born Prematurely,” “Dies In Womb,” or “Cases Continue To Mount.” “I got through the whole headline—again, a headline containing the words ‘HIV Baby’—and there was nothing in it about Africa, or doctors losing hope, or an infant being born addicted to heroin. It was actually, well, a happy story, I suppose. I mean, what are the chances, right?” Jennings added that he attempted to read the full article but, after learning the baby in question was expected to live a long, healthy life, he “kind of lost interest.”

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