Heady Youth Expresses Individuality With 'Ear-Ring'

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Vol 29 Issue 18

Hard Times Hit Springsteenville

SPRINGSTEENVILLE, U.S.A.—Across America, cities are facing shrinking job bases and plant closings. But nowhere has the recent industrial slowdown hit harder than Springsteenville.

Mommy, Please Kill Me

Mommy, please kill me.I don’t want to be born. I want to die. I dream sweet little baby dreams of dying, and how wonderful it would be.
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Heady Youth Expresses Individuality With 'Ear-Ring'

PORTLAND, OR—In a bold expression of individuality, local youngster Steve Haselrig, who is a boy and not a girl, donned an ear-ring yesterday. The 15-year-old Haselrig publicly wore the ear-ring—a fashion accessory normally associated with females—all day long in his left ear, providing him with a renegade, against-the-grain look. “Steve is not one to follow the crowd,” said Frank Messner, the youth’s principal at Driftwood High School. “Judging from this ear-ring, that much is clear. I just hope this rebellious wild card doesn’t inspire the other boys in school to do the same.” Since the appearance of the ear-ring, rumors have swirled that Haselrig also likes to wear “shades,” and even “smokes,” inhaling fumes from burning tobacco leaves into his lungs—a habit many consider to be "cool."

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