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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Health Department Still Not Able To Really Prove Why People Shouldn't Be Eating Candles

'They Won't Kill You Or Anything, But They Can't Be Good For You,' Say Officials

WASHINGTON—Department of Health and Human Services officials held a press conference Monday to announce that while no studies had been conducted to establish that the practice is unhealthy, people still should not eat candles. "While we doubt the ingestion of small amounts of candle wax is life-threatening, we nonetheless recommend that anyone thinking about eating candles refrain from doing so, and that anyone currently eating candles stop," said HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, who during a follow-up Q&A confirmed the guideline even applies to pumpkin-pie-scented candles and birthday candles with frosting and cake on the bottom half. "Instead of conducting clinical trials on the long-term effects of candle consumption, we're just going to ask people to use their common sense on this one. Please don't eat candles." At the same press conference, HHS officials also suggested that people shouldn't eat lip balm "because, come on, don't be an idiot."

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