Health Inspector Repulsed By Restaurant's Customers

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Content From 2010-03-25

Man Plans Special Weekend To Reaffirm Commitment To Xbox 360

HAGERSTOWN, MD—"It’s going to be really nice," the man said of the upcoming two-day, three-night living room getaway. "No distractions whatsoever. Just me and my Xbox 360. I'll probably even open up a few nice bottles of Arizona Iced Tea for the occasion."

Texas' New Textbooks

Because of a belief that academia skews too far to the left, the Texas Board of Education voted 10 to 5 in favor of buying history and social studies textbooks that adhere to a more conservative ideology. Here are some of the changes they are mandating.

NHL Holds Fan Attendance Night

NEW YORK—In a promotion aimed at encouraging people who like hockey to come and watch teams play the sport, the NHL held its first-ever Fan Attendance Night on Tuesday.

My Students Are Going About Making Fun Of That Tyler Kid All Wrong

The students in my fourth-grade class are the most amazing group of kids you'll ever meet. Every day is an adventure with them. They're like these little sponges, ready to soak up as much knowledge as they possibly can, and as their teacher, I take pride in the fact that I let them grow at their own pace.

Good Night's Sleep Changes Nothing

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Despite receiving a much-anticipated good night's rest, local man Arthur Baldwin awoke from eight uninterrupted hours of sleep Monday to the realization that he was still out of shape, lonely, and generally dissatisfied with his life.

Dogs Originated In Middle East

Using genetic markers, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have discovered that dogs were likely first domesticated from wolves in the Middle East.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 23, 2010

Aries The stars would love nothing more than to reveal your future this week, but unfortunately, they're just large luminous balls of plasma held together by gravity in space. Taurus You might be nervous and intimidate...

Hallmark After Dark

SPIKE 8 p.m. EDT / 7 p.m. CDT A small town teaches a cranky old widow the true meaning of strawberries.

NIT Wrapped Up In About 5 Hours

NEW YORK—The 32-team field of the 2010 NIT took a businesslike attitude toward getting the tournament over with Wednesday, with participants entering Madison Square Garden at noon, hitting the showers around 5 p.m., and wrapping up the tournament's 31 games in record time.

Facebook More Popular Than Google

For the first time ever, the social network Facebook had more weekly traffic than Google, making it the most popular site on the Internet. What do you think?

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

FX 10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST Mac realizes he's running late to a date and decides the best solution would be to murder everyone in his family, but everyone in Mac's family is trying to murder Mac because they don't like his haircut, so they just decide to ...
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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Small Business

Health Inspector Repulsed By Restaurant's Customers

ATLANTA—During a routine visit to Maxwell's Diner on Wednesday, Fulton County health inspector Dan Newman was appalled by the "completely unacceptable" condition of the patrons in the otherwise pristine restaurant. "They were revolting," said Newman, who after touring a spotless kitchen was shocked by what he found in the dining room. "Customers had piled refuse all over their tables, some appeared not to have been washed in days, and one diner was covered in a thick layer of grime. These people should not be handling food at all." While the restaurant easily passed inspection, Newman warned that the guy at the counter who looked like he'd been sitting out all week had better be gone the next time he dropped by.

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