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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Healthy Grant Hill Schedules Season-Ending Surgery

ORLANDO—Injury-prone Orlando Magic forward Grant Hill announced yesterday that he has scheduled season-ending surgery despite being in the "best shape of [his] career." "I'm doing fine, but now just feels like the right time to get major reconstruction done on my ankle," Hill said after a practice in which he led his team in several sets of wind sprints, and showed off his newly restored jumping ability with a 180-degree dunk. "My only hope is that the Orlando fans understand that this is ultimately for the best, and after rehab, I should be back next year ready to go." Hill has scheduled his surgery to take place the day before the Magic face the Detroit Pistons, a game Hill has been anticipating all season now that he is capable of playing full time and is leading his team in scoring.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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