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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Healthy Living Tips For Shawnas

This blog is reprinted with permission from the Department of Health and Human Services

Having a healthy lifestyle isn't just about staying out of the sun (or out of a tanning bed). Here are some simple tips to help Shawnas participate in a healthier life:

Eat Right
Corn nuts and jalapeno poppers are not a suitable meal. Eating a balanced, nutritious diet can help you get back in to your acid-washed jeans and fringed Styx crop top that you haven't been able to put on since '97.

Don't Smoke
Smoking increases your risk of lung cancer, heart disease, and running into your ex, Rick, outside the 7-11. Besides, smoking can turn your remaining teeth brown. Above all, never smoke while pregnant as it is very harmful for your unborn children. Don't forget how Tammy turned out.

Limit Alcohol Use
Alcohol can raise your risk of liver disease, cancer, and the likelihood that you'll have promiscuous sex with Darryl's cousin again. Drinking more than four drinks in a row is considered binge drinking for a woman. Note: if you are drinking directly from a bottle of Malibu, that does not count as just one drink.

Practice Injury Prevention
Make sure to check under your trailer on a regular basis for evidence of rodents, fire hazards, and your brother Kevin who might try to cook meth under there again.

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