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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Heartbreaking Yelp Review Says It’s Just Nice To Eat A Meal Around Other People

SOUTH BEND, IN—In an exceedingly depressing review posted Monday on the popular website Yelp, a user identified as Gregg4 gave five stars to local diner Gullifty’s solely on the basis of it being a “place where you can go to eat a meal around folks who are talking and laughing.” “Sometimes it’s just nice to hear another person’s voice, you know?” the post read in part, lauding the eatery both for having patrons and for maintaining an atmosphere in which one can overhear them discussing their day. “At Gullifty’s, I can enjoy a plate of food and know I’ll never be seated too far away from a family or group of friends enjoying each other’s company. It’s best before 8 p.m., though, because after that the customers are gone and the staff is trying to clean up. You can still talk to them, but they usually don’t say much back.” Earlier this month, Gregg4 posted a scathing one-star review of a Chinese takeout restaurant, warning users that the delivery boy only mumbles a few words, and that once he leaves “you’re all alone again.”

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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