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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Heartfelt Apology Robs Man Of Cherished Grudge

CASPER, WY—A powerful, enduring grudge was ruined for local resident Roger Chilton Saturday following a profoundly earnest plea for forgiveness from longtime friend Peter Scotto. "I was looking forward to harboring this bitter resentment for at least another decade, goddamnit, and now he's taken that away from me," a deflated Chilton lamented, recalling how Scotto had selfishly revealed his innermost vulnerabilities during the deeply emotional apology. "The worst part is, he was completely and unequivocally remorseful, the bastard." Chilton told reporters he was so upset over having to give up the grudge that he vowed never to forgive Scotto for such a brave and honest act.

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