adBlockCheck

Heat Fans Growing Frustrated With Team’s Lack Of NBA Titles Since June

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Lawn and Garden

Heat Fans Growing Frustrated With Team’s Lack Of NBA Titles Since June

MIAMI—Saying that the organization must make some serious changes in order to do justice to its impassioned fan base, supporters of the Miami Heat told reporters Friday that they are becoming increasingly frustrated with the team’s failure to win a single championship since June.

“For this team to have gone a full six months without a victory in the NBA Finals is simply unacceptable,” said self-proclaimed Heat diehard Liam Sikes, noting that the team has played close to a dozen games this season without having won it all even once. “What’s it going to take for these guys to wake up and return the hardware to Miami where it belongs? A title drought like this one is just plain embarrassing.”

“We deserve better,” Sikes added.

The team’s attentive, devoted, and well-informed fans, who characterized the Heat’s recent failures as the most shameful in the franchise’s illustrious 70-year history, complained that the organization had lost the winning spirit that made its memorable 2010 championship run possible. Many of these same fans ascribed the team’s decline to a lack of motivation, noting that it took the Heat until October to even play their first game this season.

Others reportedly condemned the leadership shortcomings of head coach Derek Spoelstra.

However, a faction of Heat supporters placed the blame on the team’s current roster, suggesting that perhaps a personnel upgrade is needed to give the team a chance at winning a third title.

“We need to sign LeBron,” said Miami resident Omar Santos, noting that current starters Shaquille O’Neal, Antoine Walker, and Pat Riley “aren’t getting the job done.” “Or if we can’t get LeBron, we should at least try to land a solid power center that can play a full 60 minutes every night. These nobodies they’ve got right now just aren’t cutting it.”

“Everyone’s going to have to bear down and make some serious baskets if they want to win another cup,” Santos continued.

While some Heat fans suggested that the team could perhaps regain some of its former glory were it to build a new stadium, all were adamant that nothing short of a championship victory would suffice, indicating that the team would have to win at least one title within the next few weeks in order to keep their supporters interested.

“We cheer their names, buy their jerseys, and take photos of ourselves at the games, and for what?” said Heat season ticket holder Isaiah Stroud, noting that the two periods he watched of the team’s Tuesday non-title-winning matchup against the Atlanta Pacers were “disgraceful.” “If they want to keep us around, they’re going to have to show us another NDA Championship. It’s just that simple.”

“You know, if this keeps up, I’ll start following the Orlando Magic, just you watch,” Stroud continued. “Now there’s a team that cares about winning.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close