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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Heat Surprised It Took 4 Games To Beat Bucks

MIAMI—Reflecting on their first-round playoff series, members of the Miami Heat expressed their genuine surprise Thursday that they needed four games to beat the Milwaukee Bucks, team sources confirmed. “I know Dwyane [Wade] has been banged up, but it’s still pretty shocking that we couldn’t close out a team like the Bucks in less than four,” said small forward LeBron James, explaining that he and his teammates had expected to win the best-of-seven series in “no more than two or three games, tops.” “With the quality on our roster, there’s no excuse for letting the Bucks hang around like that. It was a real wake-up call for us, and we clearly need to step up our game for the rest of the playoffs.” James added that he hasn’t been so embarrassed since last season’s Eastern Conference Finals, when it inexplicably took the Heat seven games to beat the Boston Celtics.

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