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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Heisman Candidate Promises Voters Free Health Care, Lower Taxes

MORGANTOWN, WV—With his stock falling and his projected share of the vote expected to be smaller with every passing week, Steve Slaton (RB-West Virginia) has begun making extravagant promises late in his Heisman campaign. "A vote for me is not only a vote for a gutsy all-purpose back who can run, catch, and block, but for free health care for all Americans, greater access to continuing education to those who qualify, and lower taxes for the American middle class," Slaton said Tuesday in an announcement approved by West Virginia's sports-information director. "Troy Smith may be a fast quarterback with a rocket arm, but he does not share your interests and does not believe in distributing the wealth as well as he distributes the ball." Heisman voters remain unmoved, saying that Slaton's two recent fumbles against Louisville prove that he is weak on national ball security.

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