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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Herculean Effort, Astronomical Expense Lead To Photo Of Whole Family At Disney World

ORLANDO, FL—A Sisyphean, continent-spanning voyage and the depletion of six years of savings at long last resulted this Tuesday in a single photograph of all four Schoepke family members in front of Cinderella Castle at the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida. "Hey, all right!" matriarch Brenda Schoepke said following the click of the camera shutter, a culmination that required an arduous, backbreaking overland journey from Idaho, many months of planning, and a monumental sum of money, with the only physical relic being the photograph of the squinting, badly sunburned Schoepkes in ill-fitting Disney-character-emblazoned T-shirts. "That one's going straight into the photo album!" The Schoepkes agreed the grueling, extravagantly expensive Disney World odyssey was much more successful than 2009's onerous trek to the Grand Canyon, which resulted in nothing after Brenda's camera was left behind at a highway rest stop.

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Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

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