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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Heroic SWAT Team Stops NFL Draft Countdown Clock With One Second Remaining

NEW YORK—Law enforcement specialists who responded to reports of a ticking draft timer at Radio City Music Hall Thursday night are being praised for their selflessness and courage in preventing the clock from counting down its final second. "If that thing had been allowed to hit zero, these guys would have been sent flying all over the country," said SWAT team disposal technician Gavin McReary, the man who actually cut the wires that stopped the clock, preventing a tragedy that would have ruined the lives of countless young men. "You should have seen the look of relief on that Suh guy's face. He hugged me and said if we hadn't been there to deactivate that timing device, his life would be over." To show their gratitude, college football stars posed with the officers while wearing NYPD caps and holding up commemorative 00:01 SWAT uniforms.

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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

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