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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Heroic SWAT Team Stops NFL Draft Countdown Clock With One Second Remaining

NEW YORK—Law enforcement specialists who responded to reports of a ticking draft timer at Radio City Music Hall Thursday night are being praised for their selflessness and courage in preventing the clock from counting down its final second. "If that thing had been allowed to hit zero, these guys would have been sent flying all over the country," said SWAT team disposal technician Gavin McReary, the man who actually cut the wires that stopped the clock, preventing a tragedy that would have ruined the lives of countless young men. "You should have seen the look of relief on that Suh guy's face. He hugged me and said if we hadn't been there to deactivate that timing device, his life would be over." To show their gratitude, college football stars posed with the officers while wearing NYPD caps and holding up commemorative 00:01 SWAT uniforms.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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