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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Hershey's Announces It's All Out Of Candy

'It's Been A Hell Of A Run, Folks,' Say Retiring Executives

HERSHEY, PA—Hershey's, the American confectionery giant behind such treats as Hershey's Kisses, Twizzlers, and the Symphony chocolate bar, announced Tuesday that it had run out of candy and would cease operations immediately. "Well, that'll about do it," Hershey's CEO John P. Bilbrey said at a press conference as workers boarded up a factory behind him. "In 1894, Milton S. Hershey started this company with nothing more than a dream and a warehouse filled with 8 trillion individually wrapped pieces of candy. But now the cupboard is bare, I'm afraid. We had a good run, but the fat lady has sung." Bilbrey concluded his speech by digging into his pockets and throwing one last handful of Mr. Goodbar miniatures to reporters.

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