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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Hideki Matsui Can't Believe He Didn't Homer During Every At Bat In Single-A Ball

NEW YORK—During his recent stint on the 15-day disabled list, Hideki Matsui completed a two-day rehab assignment with Class A Tampa Yankees in which he went 2-for-6 and "didn't even hit one [home run] the whole time." "I've hit homeruns off Cy Young winners in clutch situations, but for some reason I couldn't even get an extra-base hit off some guy named Waldrop in the fourth inning of an inconsequential game," Matsui said through a translator. "I thought I was sent to Single-A to make myself feel better by humiliating these younger, less-experienced players. Sorry, that's hardly what happened." In an attempt to regain his confidence, Matsui recently traveled to Westchester, NY, claimed to be "new in town," and entered a pick-up game with some neighborhood children in which he went 1-for-5 and was picked off in an attempt to steal second base.

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