CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.
NEW YORK—Proponents of family-themed high art fired another salvo in the high-culture wars Monday, saying the new opera Darwin: Origin, Selection, Preservation, Struggle contains provocative lyrics, secular acts, and entire anti-Christian movements. "To think that this relativist filth could be live at Lincoln Center for young children to see," said Rev. L. Duncan Hoskins III, an Upper-East-Side Baptist minister and director of the Center For A Better Class Of Family. "We cannot allow this creeping decay that began with the decadence of La Boheme and spiraled into the subversion that is An American Tragedy to further rot our high society." Hoskins added that there were many wholesome opera alternatives for traditional men and women of culture, including the Mississippi Opera's marathon 22-hour adaptation of the Left Behind series.