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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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High School Football Coach Encourages Player To Shake Off Cognitive Impairment

DECATUR, IL—Telling the 17-year-old to “play through” the brain injury he sustained from a vicious hit during a game against Danville, West High football coach Doug Husted reportedly encouraged tailback Marcus Fisher Thursday night to shake off his cognitive impairment and get back out there. “Show a little backbone now, son!” said Husted, who instructed Fisher to catch his breath, drink some water, and shrug off the bruises on his cerebrum. “A true champion doesn’t let a little blood on his brain slow him down. So suck it up—I need you back out there in three plays.” Sources confirmed Husted then forcefully hit the concussed 17-year-old on the back of his helmet and told him he had a game to win.

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