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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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High School Football Coach Encourages Player To Shake Off Cognitive Impairment

DECATUR, IL—Telling the 17-year-old to “play through” the brain injury he sustained from a vicious hit during a game against Danville, West High football coach Doug Husted reportedly encouraged tailback Marcus Fisher Thursday night to shake off his cognitive impairment and get back out there. “Show a little backbone now, son!” said Husted, who instructed Fisher to catch his breath, drink some water, and shrug off the bruises on his cerebrum. “A true champion doesn’t let a little blood on his brain slow him down. So suck it up—I need you back out there in three plays.” Sources confirmed Husted then forcefully hit the concussed 17-year-old on the back of his helmet and told him he had a game to win.

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