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Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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High School Freshman Thinks ‘Romeo And Juliet’ Might Just Be Her Favorite Play

EL PASO, TX—Praising its characters, story, and ending, Maya Brown, a freshman at DeSoto High School, decided this Monday that William Shakespeare’s classic Romeo And Juliet might just be her favorite play. “I love how romantic it is, and especially how well the dialogue is written,” said the 15-year-old, whose knowledge of theater and the dramatic arts reportedly dates back to the fall of 2012. “Shakespeare is just such an amazing playwright. He’s probably one of the best in history.” Brown added that if she were ever in a production of Romeo And Juliet, she would want to play Juliet.

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