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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble. “I’ve been at this for a while now, so when a freshman or sophomore walks in during first period with that look on her face, I have a pretty good idea what’s going on,” said Bromti, noting that most of the time, she’s already pulled a teen pregnancy pamphlet out of her desk drawer before the student has even started listing her symptoms. “You see enough queasy ones and eventually you can just pick out which aren’t the flu or food poisoning. If a girl comes in here a month or two after the annual ski trip, that’s what it is nine times out of 10.” At press time, Bromti had cut her time with reporters short because a pale-looking 15-year-old cheerleader was approaching her desk.

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