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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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High School Production Of Our Town Features Line Memorization

MORGANTOWN, WV—Surprised audience members reported Sunday that Morgantown High School's production of Thornton Wilder's Pulitzer Prize–winning play Our Town features line memorization, a marked change from last year's staging of Guys And Dolls.

"Don't know when I've seen such a lovely wedding. But I always cry. Don't know why it is, but I always cry," said sophomore Kendra Quinn, accurately reciting a line of dialogue from the role of Mrs. Soames, even though she was not reading the words from a script while on stage. "I just like to see young people happy, don't you? Oh, I think it's lovely."

Drama teacher and Our Town director Max Shumar said he has ambitions to add scenery, blocking, and vocal inflection to future MHS theater productions, but for now, he just wants to "enjoy the moment."

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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