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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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High School Student Council Passes Nonbinding Resolution

BARSTOW, CA—In a move intended to send an "unmistakably clear message" to Barstow County High School Principal Robert McCluskey, the school's student council approved by a vote of 22-3 during seventh period Monday a nonbinding resolution criticizing the principal's recent decision to install three extra hall monitors.

"Principal McCluskey has squandered our trust, and is in no position to decide the fate of the hundreds of young people in this school," said Council President T.J. Stafford, who called the symbolic measure "historic." "For the good of future senior classes, we must go on the record as being against this."

McCluskey accused the council of criticizing official school policy without offering any viable alternatives.

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