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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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High School Team Denies Winning For Dead Teammate

MONONGAHELA, FL—The Monongahela West Tarpon, a boy's prep baseball team that has surged to a two-game lead in the Frostproof conference with a remarkable seven-game winning streak since the death of second-string catcher Nathan Bannersly, denied Tuesday that their winning streak had anything do to with honoring Bannersly's memory. "Wow, I didn't even put the two together, but I guess we have been doing pretty good since that one kid's crash," pitcher Troy Metz (5-1) said of the teammate whose body was thrown from his Toyota Corolla the night of April 11, killing him instantly. "His name was Nathan, you said? Because there's this one lady who's been holding up a "NATHAN" sign at all our games lately. You know, I bet that's, like, his mom." Other Tarpon players agreed that the coincidence was, in fact, "kind of weird."

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