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Hillary Clinton Inspires Young Girls To Form Presidential Exploratory Committees

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Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

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Hillary Clinton Inspires Young Girls To Form Presidential Exploratory Committees

NEW YORK—Sen. Hillary Clinton's (D–NY) preliminary announcement that she will seek the nation's highest office is having a profound effect on America's pre-teen girls, thousands of whom are forming their own exploratory committees to gauge early reaction to possible presidential bids. "I just think she's so great the way she's laying out her platform and putting out feelers," said 9-year-old Jen Villeneuve of St. Louis, who recruited former John Kerry campaign staffers to come with her to Iowa this week to discuss her energy policy with top ethanol producers. "I want to be just like her, especially in regards to her appeal to middle-class working families with pre-college children." In a related item, sales of junior-sized pantsuits and sensible shoes have doubled nationwide.

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