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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Hillary Clinton Inspires Young Girls To Form Presidential Exploratory Committees

NEW YORK—Sen. Hillary Clinton's (D–NY) preliminary announcement that she will seek the nation's highest office is having a profound effect on America's pre-teen girls, thousands of whom are forming their own exploratory committees to gauge early reaction to possible presidential bids. "I just think she's so great the way she's laying out her platform and putting out feelers," said 9-year-old Jen Villeneuve of St. Louis, who recruited former John Kerry campaign staffers to come with her to Iowa this week to discuss her energy policy with top ethanol producers. "I want to be just like her, especially in regards to her appeal to middle-class working families with pre-college children." In a related item, sales of junior-sized pantsuits and sensible shoes have doubled nationwide.

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