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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Hillary Clinton Launches Intimidating New Fragrance Line

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Unveiling a bold scent described by its manufacturer as "steely, bracing, and curt, with notes of patent leather, sandalwood, and wool serge," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton launched her own line of soaps, eaux de toilette, and body splashes Thursday. The new fragrance, called "Authorité," was designed to evoke the olfactory equivalent of sensible shoes clicking purposefully down a marble-tiled hallway. "Our distinguished parfumeurs—and, more importantly, Madame Secretary—have created exactly the right tone, a scent that brooks no argument," spokesperson Etienne Falbaum said. "This is a controlled, competent, and, above all, patient essence that makes men sit up, take notice, and not speak until spoken to." Advertising inserts scented with Authorité will be featured in upcoming editions of Elle, The Economist, and The New York Review of Books.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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