adBlockCheck

Hip New Alternative Band Has One-Word, One-Syllable Name

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Hip New Alternative Band Has One-Word, One-Syllable Name

SEATTLE (UPI)—A hot recording by what listeners describe as a hip new alternative band was discovered yesterday by the staff of a local radio station, exciting numerous area music listeners.

"The new one-word, one-syllable band, known to its growing legions of fans as KISS, uses out-of-this- world make-up to parody rock's excess.", "The devil guy"

The recording in question, Double Platinum, by an unknown group identified only by the one-word, monosyllabic name KISS, was rushed to a nearby stereo where it underwent intense listening and scru-tiny by knowledgeable disc jockeys, many of whom have subscriptions to hip, al-ternative music magazines like Alternative Press, Spin, Op-tion and Rolling Stone.

The recording was found by DJ Josh Negler while rummaging through K-ALT’s vast library of recordings for his “Alternative A.M.” radio show. Negler, 27, has been an intense fan and expert on alternative rock for over 18 months.

“The CD player was down, so I had to find some vinyl,” Negler says. “I never thought I’d uncover such an unknown treasure, which I knew was alternative right away, as soon as I saw the silvery reflective packaging.”

While none of the station staff was able to exactly categorize the new and innovative sound of the double-album set, it was described as “heavy, kind of like Nine Inch Nails, with hard power-chord guitars like Pearl Jam and an almost industrial high-tempo rhythm like Tool or Filter.”

Songs such as “Strutter,” “Deuce” and “Detroit Rock City” were positively identified as “alternative.”

“Yeah, they don’t sound anything like Hole, Beck, Bush, Spore, Sponge, Tad, Ride, Clutch, Scrawl, Slint, Schtum, Lync, Gren, Seam, Dis, Dig, Mule, Gaunt, Az, Hum or Pram, but the band does have a one word, monosyllabic, name like Hole, Beck, Bush, Spore, Sponge, Tad, Ride, Clutch, Scrawl, Slint, Schtum, Lync, Gren, Seam, Dis, Dig, Mule, Gaunt, Az, Hum and Pram,” music writer Jordan Kohan says. “So they gotta be alternative like Hole, Beck, Bush, Spore, Sponge, Tad, Ride, Clutch, Scrawl, Slint, Schtum, Lync, Gren, Seam, Dis, Dig, Mule, Gaunt, Az, Hum and Pram.”

So impressed was Negler with KISS’s raw talent that he is considering asking KISS to play at the K-ALT’s “Punka-palooza 1996,” an all-ages benefit that has highlighted the best in new and unsigned bands with one-word, monosyllabic names since 1993.

Further evidence of KISS’s alternative stature was offered by rock critic Howard Frankel, who points to the band’s use of theatrics and costumes.

“Much like seminal no-wavers the Resi-dents and Devo, KISS’s gestalt is a deconstructivist take on the extravagance and excess of rock and roll and the insanity of stardom,” Frankel explains. “By encompassing a per-sonae in the guise of the exact rock establishment they are mocking, via the use of absurd amplification and standard verse/chorus/verse arrangements, their worldview only be-comes more salient and biting.”

Furthermore, Frankel ex-plained that the band’s choice of the antiquated vinyl format (or LP) gives the disc a “retro” sensibility matching the ’70s nostalgia sound prevalent in many tracks.

“In fact, KISS has so marvelously captured the retro look and feel that one can almost imagine the record being released 20 years ago,” Frankel says.

Excitement escalated af-ter DJ Heather Luken stumbled across a series of solo recordings re-leased by the members of the band—a pattern remarkably similar to a series of albums released by the Melvins, a seminal Seattle band in the late ’80s.

“One’s by the star guy, another’s by the cat guy, another’s by the rock guy and another’s by that devil guy,” Luken says. “I like the cat guy.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close