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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Hispanics Expected To Become Majority Of U.S. Population By Middle Of Father-In-Law’s Rant

WASHINGTON—According to a Census Bureau report released Thursday, Hispanics are now projected to make up the majority of the U.S. populace by the middle of local father-in-law Jerry Stambaugh’s rant. “We found that Latinos are on track to outnumber whites in this country as early as when Jerry starts in on how they’re taking all the jobs and how there are too many of them already,” said Census Bureau associate director for field operations William H. Hatcher Jr., adding that, if the pace of immigration accelerates, the historic demographic shift may even occur by the time the 58-year-old father-in-law’s tirade reveals Hispanics breed like rabbits and drain the country’s valuable resources. “Our research suggests that, further down the road, when he angrily launches into how things were a hell of a lot different when he was growing up, the Latino population may reach upwards of 55 or even 60 percent of the nation’s population. Even our most conservative estimates posit a Hispanic majority before Stambaugh declares how those people should just go back to their own country.” Experts further projected that no real Americans would be left in the country by the end of Stambaugh’s epithet-filled ramblings.

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