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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Historian Has Big News For Grover Cleveland Fans

CALDWELL, NJ—Historian and author Louis Putnam announced Monday that his new book about Grover Cleveland will shock fans of the 22nd and 24th U.S. president. "You're gonna see the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms as you've never seen him before," Putnam said. "Forget Tammany Hall, screw the paternity scandal, and to hell with a so-called 'secret' battle with jaw cancer. When my book comes out, you're gonna fucking flip." Putnam's book, Grover! Grover! Grover!, will hit bookstore shelves May 13.

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