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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Historian Has Big News For Grover Cleveland Fans

CALDWELL, NJ—Historian and author Louis Putnam announced Monday that his new book about Grover Cleveland will shock fans of the 22nd and 24th U.S. president. "You're gonna see the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms as you've never seen him before," Putnam said. "Forget Tammany Hall, screw the paternity scandal, and to hell with a so-called 'secret' battle with jaw cancer. When my book comes out, you're gonna fucking flip." Putnam's book, Grover! Grover! Grover!, will hit bookstore shelves May 13.

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