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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Historic Seat-Covering Tarp To Be Part Of New Marlins Stadium

MIAMI —In honor of the team's storied past, the Florida Marlins announced at a press conference Tuesday that their new stadium would prominently feature the seat-covering tarp that has remained a constant during their 18 years at Sun Life Stadium. "We can't imagine a Marlins game that isn't played in front of an unbroken sea of smooth, empty teal," team president David Samson said as a screen behind him displayed a computer-generated animation of the giant tarp being lowered onto 9,000 empty seats in a new stadium. "That old tarp has been gloriously unfurled for 18 opening days and two World Series, and we're not going to just abandon it. Besides, the new facility will have 37,000 seats, so I'm pretty sure we'll find a use for it." Samson assured fans the ballpark would also feature modern amenities such as sleeker, more modern tarps to cover the entire upper deck and the Marlins' dugout.

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