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After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

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FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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Historical Archives: A Mischievous Woman Wander'd Outside Of Home

The gentle town of HARRISBURG was confronted with a most Worrisome and Shocking sight the day before last, one owing to the sudden appearance of Wyfe and Child-Bearer MARGARET COOK from the Interior of her Home. Defying all Reason, COOK was observ'd to exit into the Open Air, though no Man had instruct'd her to do so, no Domestik Task required her to be out of doors, and no sign of Suffocating Fire had surfaced from her modest Dwelling. On-lookers, their Scalps scratch'd raw by the confusion, said that COOK set forth unaccompanied into Towne, as if that were an entirely Natural act, and in no way Suspicious or HIGHLY DISTURBING. Upon reaching the center of Towne, COOK's behavior only grew more troubl'ng, once meeting the gaze of a Butcher as though he were an Equal, twice stopping to read a Windowe-Notice, and four times allowing her countenance to rise upward and express an emotion that could only be described as Satisfaction. It is also fear'd that during her Journey, the Mischievous Woman, paused hither and thither, and in a manner suit-able only to those of the masculine persuasion, began to make pointed Observations and formulate Opinions of Her Own Mind!

More ominous than her quiet reflection, however, was the manner in which COOK seemed to carry her own Bodily Person. The Head and Chin were rais'd in a fashion that which lent her an air of Confidence and Guilt-less Comfort, while profane BEADS OF SWEAT were permitt'd to accumulate about the upper lip and the back of the Neck. COOK was also witness'd NOT to be Heavy With Child at the time of her excursion, an offense that left many a passer by unable to extract the very Words from their Tongue.

It is still not known what Nefarious Force drove this once respect-able Woman from her Home and into the THROES OF INSANITY, but those with the grave misfortune to have crossed her foot-path say she is capable of almost anything, and perhaps even Logic.

MARGARET COOK was Reprimanded, Disowned and Hang'd until Dead after returning to her place of Residence.

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Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

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