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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Historical Archives: A Most Amusing Duck Delays The Local Noontime Pillorying

In the Port of Boston, the Matter of delivering SWIFT and EXACT Justice to the notorious Candle Pinch Thaddeus SMITH was postponed, owing to the unexpected Appearance of an humorous Downy Duck. In the Moments prior to the Thief SMITH being led to his rightful Station at the Pillory, the Drake alight'd before the Device, causing Ruckus & Howls of Laughter amongst the Citizenry. The utterance of a solitary Quack from the Duck was observ'd by Many as being Akin to a Thunderous Report from the Breeches. Even the Widow THIEDE, who is ordinarily of doleful Disposition, was seen to open wide her Maw and cackle.

The Assembled, far from demonstrating the dignified and somber Mien that befits a Mob, instead cast Bits of Bread at the Silly Bird, so as to encourage its continu'd Presence on the Common. After over a Quarter Hour of waddling about in an ungainly Fashion and wagging his taper'd Head in a manner reminiscent of a young Child or Epileptic Fool, the Duck took Flight, where upon the Crowd dispers'd and return'd to its manifold Duties, thus confounding the Bailiffs, who had no Choice but to return the manacl'd SMITH to the Publick Gaol.

Barring a Return Appearance of the Fowl, Retribution shall be meted out on Noon Time of the Morrow. Citizens are reminded to bring sufficient rotted Food Stuffs, deceas'd Cats, brimming Chamber Pots & Stones to deliver onto the exposed Head and Buttocks of the Criminal SMITH.

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