Historical Archives: A Salt Cake Recipe

Top Headlines

Recent News

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Historical Archives: A Salt Cake Recipe

A Salt Cake Recipe.

Commit'd to papere for the edification, and use full-ness of the wife of the Reader in his Kitchen.

Lately arrived to our Shores from FRANCE, a Recipe for SALT CAKE. Penned by renowned PARIS Confectioner and Brothel Owner MADAME BROUSSARD, it is remarked to be the sweetest Delicacy yet tasted.

The Preparation could not be simpler, as even a mere BABE of three years age could manage it, though not advisable following the Mince Pie-making Tragedy that befell the CARTER Childe from WORCESTER this April last.


Two Large Buckets Sea-Brine

Four Pounds Jew's Salt

One And One Half Pounds Butter (Salted)

One Blueberry

Any lacking Ingredient May be substituted with doubled Parts Coal Cinders, excepting the Blueberry, for which Two Pinches Salt are recommended if the Fruit cannot be obtained.


Combine All ingredients Inside salted Hog Carcass of faire size. Allow To lie in hottest Noonday Sun until last trace of Moisture is expunged. Shape Cake with liberally salted Mason's Trowel, adding Salt as necessary.

Blindness and retching of the blackest BLOOD are oft noted upon consumption of the wond'rous Salt Cake, but will likely abate following Two and Twenty hours.

Finally, serve to a Man or MEN, with all due Deference and Respect, on a Plate or Bowl made by the Hand with the sweat of Honour and Loyalty to the Sub-servient dicta, &tc.;, of Law & Nature, and by God's Will.

Makes a fine Complement to Hardtack.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close